Intent vs. Impact: Why Both Matter in Leadership

When "That Wasn't Our Intention" Shuts Down Real Conversation

We've all been there—you raise a concern about how a conversation made you feel, and the response is immediate deflection: "That wasn't our intention" followed by a complete pivot to non-adjacent issues. When leaders refuse to acknowledge the impact of their words, they're essentially telling you that your experience doesn't matter. Your feelings are inconvenient obstacles to their narrative, not valid concerns worth addressing. In essence you’re the problem.

This pattern trains us to doubt our own perceptions and swallow our discomfort in the name of being "professional."

We start second-guessing ourselves: Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe I misunderstood. But here's the truth—impact matters more than intent. I'll be honest: I've been guilty of this behavior in the past, I can trace it back to my ego and inability to acknowledge my shortcomings. I’ve come a long way in my career and know sometimes it's easier to deflect than to sit with the uncomfortable reality that we might have hurt someone. That my actions made someone uncomfortable. But that's exactly why recognizing this pattern is so important. A leader who can't acknowledge how their approach affected someone, regardless of what they meant to do, is showing you exactly who they are. Trust that instinct when something feels off; it's often the most accurate radar you have for toxic dynamics. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.